Er du en "Talker" eller en "Walker"?

(For my international network please see down below for English)

En nær kollega spurgte mig forleden, "er der også nogle der undgår dig"? Mit svar var, "ikke mere, men der er nogle, der skuffede mig da jeg var under behandling for 2 år siden". Omvendt var der flere venner og erhvervsrelationer, der overraskede positivt ved at give sig til kende.

I går aftes fortalte en ven om hans afdøde vens kone, der ikke længere ser mandens venner. De undgår hende efter hendes mand døde af kræft!

"Er du en "Talker" eller en "Walker"?

Det får mig til at stille spørgsmålet, er du en "Talker" eller en "Walker" når det kommer til at tale med en sygt familiemedlem, en ven eller kollega?

Ofte bliver en sygdomsramt, eller pårørerende, undgået med tesen "jeg vil ikke få ham/hende til at græde". Men du kan ikke få en sygdomsramt eller pårørende til at græde mere end de allerede har gjort. Men de kan blive rigtig kede af at du holder dig væk.

Uanset om man er ekstrovert, som mig, ift. sin sygdom, eller introvert, så har vi alle følelser. Vi vil gerne blive set for den vi er, og ikke for den sygdom vi har.

Da jeg var i solskinsmedicinbehandling (kemo, red.) for 2 år siden, blev jeg ofte mødt med udsagnet, "Jeg ved ikke hvad jeg skal sige". Jeg forstod dem 100 % da jeg selv har sagt det samme til andre. Men jeg hjalp dem på vej ved at sige "Du behøver ikke at sige mere". For jeg vidste fra mig selv at udsagnet indeholder frygt, kærlighed, håb, omsorg og meget mere.

Ift. sygdommen kan du ikke gøre fra eller til, men ift. mennesket kan du gøre en kæmpe forskel.

"Gå ikke væk, bliv og tag snakken"

Så lad være med at gå væk, bliv og tal på den sygdomsramtes præmisser. Græd sammen hvis det er det der sker. Det dør ingen af! Så bliver det en fantastisk snak for jer begge. Og du bliver så meget klogere på en situation som du forhåbentlig ikke selv kommer i.

-------------------------------

Dette er et indlæg i kræftdebatten ifm. Kræftens Bekæmpelses "Knæk Cancer" indsamling. Jeg har lavet min egen private indsamling som du kan støtte via dette link https://knaek.cancer.dk/da/campaign/bjoern-iversens-2024-knaekcancer-indsamling

eller denne QR-kode til MobilePay.

In English

Are you a "Talker" or a "Walker"?

A close colleague recently asked me, "Are there also people who avoid you?" My answer was, "Not anymore, but there were some who disappointed me when I was undergoing treatment two years ago." On the other hand, several friends and business contacts surprised me positively by reaching out.

Last night, a friend told me about his deceased friend’s wife, who no longer sees her husband’s friends. They avoid her after her husband died of cancer!

"Are you a 'Talker' or a 'Walker'?"

It makes me ask the question: Are you a "Talker" or a "Walker" when it comes to talking to a sick family member, friend, or colleague?

Often, a person suffering from illness or their relatives are avoided with the excuse, "I don't want to make him/her cry." But you cannot make someone suffering from an illness or their relatives cry more than they already have. What can make them truly sad is that you keep your distance.

Whether you are extroverted like me, in relation to your illness, or introverted, we all have emotions. We want to be seen for who we are, not for the illness we have.

When I was undergoing chemotherapy (or "sunshine medicine treatment," as I call it) two years ago, I was often met with the statement, "I don't know what to say." I understood them 100% because I’ve said the same thing to others. But I helped them along by saying, "You don't need to say anything more." I knew from my own experience that this statement contains fear, love, hope, care, and much more.

In relation to the illness, you can't do much, but in relation to the person, you can make a huge difference.

"Don’t walk away, stay and have the conversation."

So don’t walk away - stay and talk on the terms of the person who is sick. Cry together if that's what happens. Nobody dies from that! It will be a fantastic conversation for both of you, and you'll gain so much more insight into a situation that you hopefully will never find yourself in.

-------------------------------

This is a contribution to the cancer debate in connection with the Danish Cancer Society’s "Knæk Cancer" fundraising campaign. I’ve created my own private fundraiser, which you can support through this link: https://knaek.cancer.dk/da/campaign/bjoern-iversens-2024-knaekcancer-indsamling or via this QR code for MobilePay.